When it comes to dating, I’ve found that the magic formula. There is no magic formula. Every situation is unique, every partner different. But don’t be discouraged gentlemen, there are still things you can do to improve your chances of meeting, and keeping, that special someone.
I recently met and spoke with Logan Ury, a behavioural scientist with a specialization in dating and relationships. Logan also happens to be popular dating app Hinge’s Director of Relationship Science. Furthermore, Logan is an author of How to Not Die Alone, a step-by-step guide to modern dating.
Dating App Tips
Keep an open mind. Remember you can increase age minimums/maximums as well as your geographic radius. With many people moving out of urban centers, that special someone may be a small trek away.
Once you match with someone, your best chance at striking a conversation is messaging as soon as possible. Ask questions, use their profile and bio to source information so you’re not starting with “how are you?”. Don’t forget to avoid giving one worded answers.
Focus on your own profile. It’s your opening line and should tell a story. Your photos should be recent and consist of a clear headshot (no glasses, hats, or filters). A full body shot, a photo of you doing something you love and a photo with family or friends.
Over the last year and a half many of us have had to sit with ourselves and take stock of who we are. Whether intentional or not, when you peeled back the lawyers, you were generally left with more questions than answers. It’s important that you focus on building your character and defining what you are looking for. Be honest about it. Transparency often gets you what you want. You also want to take an audit of your past relationships to really understand what worked and what didn’t. It will help you uncover patterns and source where you need to improve.
Daters R’ Us
In our conversation, Logan referenced three distinct personality traits that can hold you back from finding love.
This person is constantly searching for Hollywood love. The soulmate, happily ever after, perfect ending story. The issue is they expect their partner to look, talk, and act a certain way and dating has to be easy. Unfortunately this, like most movies, is not real. Relationships take work and effort and you shouldn’t split the minute it gets hard.
This person constantly maintains an unrealistic expectation of their partner. You are this person if you find yourself thinking your partner could be 5% smarter if they read more. Or a little better looking if they only dressed a certain way. Some of you might even imagine what it would be like if you could take the best parts from all your past partners. Stop trying to put together your Frankenstein partner. You’re not shopping for headphones and comparing the different makes and models.
This one will resonate with many gents because we are in this constant hamster wheel of comparison with other gents on all things money, toys, and power. You may not feel ready to date because you think you’re not lovable. You think you need to lose more weight before you get noticed. Or you need a better job, more pay, a nicer car? You have to put yourself out there, take a risk, be yourself as you are.
If you are looking to find out which personality trait you are, take the quiz on Logan’s website here.