Gentlemen, we have a lot of work to do. We can be our own worst enemies and sometimes, the problems are so obvious yet we consciously, yes consciously, choose to ignore them. See the modern gent is trying to balance becoming a successful (insert job title here) while balancing a relationship, expectations for providing, and coming up with that cool side hustle. But it’s about time we take a step back and focus on ourselves. After all, what good are you to any of the above if you don’t take care of yourself? With that being said, here are five destructive habits we need to change as men.
Caring About What Others Think
Let’s say you are starting off a new business idea, it can be really exciting. You may believe you found something unique to you and you want to show it off. But there’s a lingering nag in the back of your mind wondering what Joe from accounting may say about it. Your family, often the source of most of the negative commentary will tell you that business venture number fifteen is not going to be any better than the first fourteen. So why bother? Gentlemen it’s time to stop worrying so much about what others think, say, or feel. Truth is, a lot of that negative energy comes from a place of insecurity and really has nothing to do with you – r business venture number fifteen for that matter. So why are you letting it bother you? Go get what is yours. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Comparing Yourself to Others
Ever find yourself scrolling on Instagram and you see someone you went to university with posting about his wins? That shouldn’t be a question because I know the answer. I do it all the time. I see people showing off how well they are doing and my mind immediately goes to all the negative things in my life that I start assigning blame to for being the reason I don’t have that new Mercedes. Here’s the thing, number one, you don’t know anything about what that person did, or didn’t do, to get there. Number two, it doesn’t matter whether they had a hand out or whether they are some inspirational entrepreneur. They are not you and you are not them. There will always be someone more successful than you. But that doesn’t mean you cannot be successful yourself. Define what success is to you and aim for that otherwise it will be a moving target and you’ll always feel like a failure. If you are still comparing yourself to others, here’s something I was once told – no matter what your pace is, you are still outpacing everyone on the couch.
Sacrificing Your Identify (or simping)
We are individual beings with our own thoughts, needs, and feelings. Sometimes, we start to sacrifice some of those in exchange for keeping our partners happy. Now, a relationship is give and take and some things are not even worth being considered a sacrifice. But where I want to draw you a line is when you give so much that it results in you losing your identity in the process. You lose your backbone and ability to say “No, this makes me unhappy” or “I can’t afford going out to eat every other night”. As much as we seem to think they are, our partners are not mind readers. So speak up gentlemen, use your words.
We are very predictable creatures. We like to roam around imposing ourselves in work, life, and so on before we meet that one someone and we turn into mush. Next thing you know you’re planning picnics and rooftop dates. You begin skipping that morning cardio for morning cuddles. You tell your buddies how much work you have to do so you can stay in for pizza and the new season of Money Heist. Don’t get me wrong, these all still sound fantastic. But let me remind you that plateauing is not an option. You can’t stunt your own growth and development by shifting all your focus to one area of your life whether that be a relationship with a partner or a relationship with your gaming console. Continue to read, work out, spend time with friends and family. It’s important otherwise days will turn into months into years and that realization of how little you’ve grown will hit you hard.
Ignoring Your Mental Health
Most important of all is your mental health. Because without it, none of the other things listed matter. You should never, under any circumstance, ignore your mental health. Whether it’s a lost promotion or an ugly break up, if it keeps you up at night, or bitter in the morning, you need to change something. Stress and anxiety is going to lead you down a dark path. You’ll stop exercising, you won’t eat right, you’ll lose motivation and energy, and eventually you will start making poor decisions that will cost you financially, emotionally and physically which will only compound your stress. Gentlemen consider this a plea. Focus on your mental health each and every single day.