Given this publication prides itself on a founding ethos of ‘Redefining masculinity for the modern gentleman’, we need to discuss what happened at the Oscars.
In case you missed it, Chris Rock, the host of the Oscars, made a joke about Jada Pinkett Smith’s hair. A sensitive topic given Jada has spoken publicly about her hair loss condition. In the clip below, Smith walks onto the stage and slaps Rock across the face. After Rock says “Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me”, Smith replied “keep my wife’s name out of your fucking mouth”. Whether this was real, which it very much appears to be, or staged, that is besides the point.
See also: The Silent Killer
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Toxic Masculine Behaviour?
So what is the point? In today’s society, we like to categorize our thoughts into neat little buckets. When our belief on something crosses into another bucket, it’s an uncomfortable feeling and serves as a reminder that we are complex humans capable of feeling multiple emotions simultaneously.
For example, some men, and women, believe that Smith’s behaviour is acceptable under the circumstances. Smith was simply standing up for his wife being insulted in a very public setting. On the other side is the argument that Rock is a comedian and does what comedians do best, poke fun at others for the sake of collective laughter. So Smith should have maintained composure and not turned to violence.
Then we get to the collective commentary from the peanut gallery. That is you, me, and everyone on social media. Some voice agreeableness with the response. You would be surprised at how many women have voiced that they would expect their man to do the same. Others criticize Smith for taking action on a ‘joke’ while also choosing to do nothing (at least publicly) to August, the man Jada openly admit to having an affair with. There was commentary about how Smith should not have had to sit there and tolerate the humiliation but violence is not the answer. Finally, Jada is able to speak and act for herself.
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A Broken Man
There are memes circulating the internet of the slap for just about anything and everything you can think of. What I have not seen is any meaningful conversations about the fact a man that has influenced our culture in many ways is seemingly imploding in front of us. But we are too busy drawing up memes of how the slap is relatable to the grocery store running out of avocados.
This is a man, who recently had to publicly defend his private and personal decision for forgiving his partner’s indiscretion. A man who recently admit that he has had thoughts of suicide. Instead of engaging in meaningful dialogue about how the erosion of your mental health can make you behave in ways outside your character, we jokingly exclaim that this puts a dying Oscars show back on the map. In a hundred and sixty characters or less of course.
Final Thoughts
If you think this is a defence argument or copout, you have missed the point. This reflection is meant to make you stop and think. You can approach this story from any angle you want. But whatever angle you take, violence is never the answer. As men, we have all been in a situation where it felt as though physical confrontation was the only option. So ask yourself, is it toxic behaviour to protect a loved one as Smith did? Is the means by which one acts considered toxic but not the man himself? If we as men have grown up being told to stand up for ourselves and our loved ones, but not taught how, is this where our generation has been failed by our predecessors? There is no clear cut way of looking at this situation. What is clear however, is that we still have a long way to go as men.
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