There are very few things in this world that hurt more than the ting of a breakup. And if you’ve ever experienced one, you’ll know that breakups are undeniably one of the most challenging experiences life can throw at us. Not only are you experiencing the absence of someone you thought would remain a constant in your life, but you’re also grappling with the shift in your identity sans ex and grieving the future you had once envisioned. While navigating a breakup may seem like an impossible feat, there are different coping mechanisms to help you heal and move on. So, to all the healing hearts out there, here are 10 steps to help you bounce back and navigate heartache like a pro.
See also: Reframing how to navigate life’s challenges
10 rules for the post-breakup:
Sever the digital connection. Believe me when I tell you, nothing good will come of having a continuous digital gateway to your ex. This will only cause heightened distress, anxiety, sense of longing and hinder your personal growth. As my grandmother would say, your best bet is to go cold turkey. (And yes, that means Instagram, BeReal, Snapchat and your finsta too.)
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2. Give yourself space to grieve
It’s important to acknowledge and validate your feelings. Give yourself space to grieve the loss of the relationship. Denying your emotions can prolong the healing process. You have the right to feel sadness, anger, confusion, and any other emotions that arise. But, what’s most important is knowing how to channel them into something bigger and meaningful.
3. Mobilize the troops
Put the call out and surround yourself with a support system of friends, family, and even a therapist. They are the support system who will help you navigate the breakup battlefield by allowing you to express yourself and by being a sounding board for the heartbreak woes.
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4. Practice self-care
During this tough time, taking care of yourself is paramount. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether that be exercise, meditation, spending time with loved ones, or getting goofy-silly and dancing in the living room in your underwear to ‘Break Free’ by Queen. These moments are where you can be in the moment, let go, focus, realign, bring yourself back to center and give breath to the things that matter: you.
5. Reflect
Use this time to reflect on the relationship and its dynamics. What did you learn? What would you do differently in the future? What do you want in your next relationship? What will you do differently in the future? Reflecting on these aspects can help you grow and make better choices in future relationships.
6. Avoid the blame game
It’s easy to fall into a pattern of blaming yourself or your ex-partner for the breakup. While self-reflection is important, it’s important to avoid dwelling and pointing fingers when talking about a breakup. One of the ways you can do this is by changing your blame statements from ‘they never treated me right’ and ‘we should’ve broken up a long time ago’ to healthy statements like ‘we weren’t right for each other’ or ‘our paths no longer aligned.’ These statements will help effectively cope, reduce any emotional baggage and eliminate any unnecessary misguided and resentment.
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7. Make yourself your new focal point
A breakup can be an opportunity for significant personal growth. Take this time to invest in yourself – pursue new hobbies, learn new skills, and work on becoming the best version of yourself.
8. Embrace the change
Change is an inevitable part of life. Embrace the changes that come with the end of a relationship. This might involve redefining your goals, reshaping your social circle, and discovering new passions.
9. Avoid rebound relationships
Avoiding rebound relationships is essential for emotional well-being. After a breakup, it’s natural to seek comfort and connection. And even though we all have our ‘needs’ – yes you know what I’m talking about, rushing into a new relationship too quickly can hinder what you need the most, which is the time to heal. Taking time to reflect on the past relationship, understand your emotions, and rebuild your self-esteem is crucial
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Ask yourself: Am I entering a new relationship for the right reasons or is this a way to fill a void or escape loneliness? Give yourself the space and time needed to heal, grow, and learn from the past before embarking on a new romantic journey. This will increase your chances of forming healthier, more fulfilling connections in the future.
10. Cut ties
While you may have the bright idea of staying in touch or that meeting up with your ex could help with closure, you’re only prolonging heartbreak. That is why cutting ties (in a healthy fashion) is probably one of the most important steps of a breakup. And one you will thank yourself for down the line. Seizing all contact helps you detach from the relationship and regain your independence. It gives you the chance to rediscover who you are outside of the relationship and what your future without them will look like.
That’s it.
Navigating the choppy waters of a breakup is undoubtedly a challenging process, but it’s also an opportunity for growth, self-discovery and renewal. By allowing yourself to grieve, seeking support, practicing self-care, and embracing change, you can gradually heal and move forward. Remember that you are not defined by your relationship status or even any relationship for that matter — and this difficult experience can pave the way for a brighter future.
Feature photo: KAL VISUALS / Unsplash
