The unspoken truth about being a dad

Becoming a father is one of the most incredible and rewarding experiences you will likely have in your life. Holding your baby for the first time is an indescribable feeling.

While many fathers like to share their experiences about being a dad, they usually focus on the best aspects. From playing games in a homemade fort to snuggling up to watch a movie with your kids, there are plenty of beautiful moments to speak about.

But being a dad also comes with challenges that many fathers may not discuss so openly. These unspoken truths can cause emotional, physical, and financial stress that can sometimes feel overwhelming. 

Don’t expect an instant connection.

You will undoubtedly have an instant and inexplicable love for your child from the moment you lay eyes on them. In many cases, this love may arrive before they are even born, and you’ll already have an undeniable affection for them while they are still in the womb.

However, a strong connection to your child may take some time. As with any relationship, a genuine connection takes work and time. As your child grows, spending time playing with them, speaking to them, and creating memories with them will strengthen your connection.

Therefore, don’t feel guilty if you don’t instantly feel this connection. Give it time and put as much effort into developing it as possible. The fruits of your effort will soon appear as this connection grows. 

Saying no does as much good as saying yes.

As a father, you want to do everything you can to make your child happy and provide them with the best childhood possible. This often means saying yes to whatever they ask and letting them do things you know will bring them joy.

While this will likely strengthen your relationship with them, it could also result in future problems and a sense of entitlement as your child grows older. The best thing you can do is establish boundaries and help your child understand discipline, particularly if they cross these boundaries. 

Enforcing these boundaries may hurt your relationship in the short term. However, if discipline is done with love and sound reason, you will help your child grow into a more well-rounded individual. In addition, as your child grows older, they will learn to appreciate how you looked out for them and understand why you said no. 

You will feel overwhelmed.

As a new father, you are not only responsible for helping out with your baby; you must also provide practical and emotional support for your wife or partner. While doing this, you’ll likely experience sleepless nights resulting in less energy, long hours spent comforting your child, and juggling work.

All these factors can quickly compound and cause a significant feeling of being overwhelmed. This is particularly true as fathers are still primarily regarded as subordinate parents and, therefore, commonly receive less support from friends and family. 

One of the most essential things when feeling overwhelmed is not to allow this to translate into guilt, which can happen quickly as most men may think they should be able to handle the pressure—they’re men after all! However, it’s important to speak to trusted friends or family and tell them how you feel. 

If needed, ask your partner for a short break where you can relax and do what you need to. Whether this time is spent catching up on backlogged work, playing your favourite games, or visiting a great resource like BonusFinder Canada, a short break away from the pressure can help alleviate the feeling of being overwhelmed. 

Time will fly by.

Most parents discuss how they plan to raise their children before their bundle of joy arrives. This discussion often includes what you will teach and how you will engage with them, such as reading them a bedtime story each evening.

Often, activities like this are put off until you feel your child is old enough to appreciate or understand what is happening. The reality is that children can do this much sooner than you may think and grow at a pace that may far outstrip your estimates.

Therefore, don’t delay doing things with your child or beginning to teach them specific skills or values. Time will fly by as your child evolves, and you may soon find yourself dealing with an older child who may have little interest in activities that they will deem suitable only for younger siblings.

Expect to see the good and the bad.

Your child will be a perfect and imperfect mix of your and your partner’s physical, emotional, and mental attributes. These will also be blended together with a uniqueness that makes your child their own.

As a father, it may be easy to celebrate each time you see yourself in your child, whether it be a physical attribute like having your eye colour or the happy attitude they often seem to carry. Seeing these things can make you feel more connected to them and grow your love for them even more.

But in the same way that cute or endearing aspects may be present, prepare yourself also to see the less desirable. You may not wish to acknowledge these attributes, such as your child’s strong will not to do as you say. Traits such as these may need some instruction on your part but should also be celebrated alongside the good ones.

Your relationship with your partner may suffer.

Plenty of independent studies have revealed that the relationship between partners suffers after the birth of a child. This is due to factors such as additional stress, lack of sleep, and thoughts that one parent is doing more than the other.

Because of this, don’t be surprised if your relationship becomes strained and fights occur over the most minor things. Being aware that this is likely to happen can help you mitigate it and proactively take steps to ensure you work to strengthen your relationship.

Clearly defining shared duties with the baby and household chores, open communication about when you’re feeling tired or overwhelmed, and taking time to do activities together when your baby sleeps can help. Many experts also recommend working to ensure that you reignite your physical relationship as soon as possible.