We’ve all heard it before – a friend says they didn’t feel that “spark” with a new potential partner and decided not to pursue something further with that person. Maybe you’ve even had this feeling yourself. Relying too heavily on this desire or feeling, however, isn’t necessarily a good thing, nor is it the end-all-be-all in creating a lasting relationship.
The “Spark”
The “spark” is commonly romanticized in film and is typically accompanied with the introduction or blossoming of a relationship. Despite appearing as a magical moment, the “spark” is often based on superficial factors like physical attraction, quirkiness, or charm, which has the potential to be misleading. This storyline, while captivating, is not necessarily an accurate representation of how a healthy and lasting relationship develops.
That initial flare elicits a lot of positive emotion and confidence that you’re heading down the right path with someone. Those magical moments, however, create a temporary high which isn’t reliable for building a long-term relationship. As that infatuation fades, what’s left is the reality of who the person is. Unfortunately, the person you grow to see may not be as captivating as the initial attraction.
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What’s Important To You?
That constant search for excitement and novelty, can make maintaining a relationship difficult over time. This perpetual search for the ”spark” also prevents us from seeing the potential in people who don’t necessarily fit our idealized image. Thus, we may end up overlooking qualities like kindness, empathy, and respect, which are essential for a healthy relationship.
Relationships require work, compromise and a commitment to building something meaningful with another person. Ultimately, if we’re always chasing the high of the “spark,” it’s likely we will find ourselves with an unrelenting dissatisfaction in our relationships and relationship pursuits. A strong and lasting relationship is built on a foundation of shared values, trust, and communication. Qualities like these are developed over time and require effort from both partners.
See also: How to communicate needs in your relationship
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It’s important to recognize that the “spark” is not a guarantee of a successful, lasting relationship. If you’re finding yourself dismissing a potential partner because you didn’t feel that initial excitement, take some time to reflect on what truly matters to you in a relationship. Consider whether the person possesses the values and qualities that are important to you. Ask yourself, could you see yourself building a meaningful connection with them over time? Answer this question honestly. By focusing on what matters, you may find that the “spark” was never as important as you thought it was.
