Welcome to Episode 48 of the Gent’s Talk podcast, where we sat down with Matthew Dubois, better known by his stage name 12AM. The Toronto-born singer-songwriter spoke on the passing of his mother, his struggles with depression, and the difficulties of balancing 12AM (the artist) with Matthew Dubois (the man).
Content Creation
12AM recently posted about how he wanted to quit music, so we started there. He let us know that during that time, he was getting overwhelmed with the idea of being forced into content creation. With the growing popularity of TikTok, he felt the app “took away the art of being a musician and replaced it with being a content creator.”
During that time, he was also going through the motions of losing a loved one. His mother, his greatest inspiration, had a very long battle with cancer. Throughout his life, they were in and out of the hospital. His mother was initially given six months to live when she was diagnosed. That forced him into survival mode. She lived six years longer, which gave him the strength to keep fighting. He stated that through her, he knows that nothing is impossible.
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Grief
The problem was (as with many men) instead of grieving the loss of his mother, he buried himself in his work. At one point, he recalled looking at himself and being unable to recognize who Matthew was. He was gaining weight, suffering from depression, and needed help. Dubois tried anti-depressants, but they were ineffective. Luckily, he contacted a friend, Travis Mills, and asked for help. Unbeknownst to Travis, his response gave Matthew what he needed to help change his life. His advice was simple: “Everything you’re doing right now, do the exact opposite.” He believes that his change in diet, sleeping routine, and physical output helped him regain his focus. He also mentioned a pivotal shift in mentality from forgetting about emotions because “I gotta work” to prioritizing mental health and putting work last.
Imposter Syndrome
According to Oxford Languages, Imposter syndrome is the persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved due to one’s own efforts or skills. When the feelings of not belonging or not being worthy started to impact 12 AM’s daily interactions, he decided to take time away from the spotlight to focus on himself.
After much research, he referred to his accomplishments catalogue to help combat his imposter syndrome. He made a note not to focus on the achievements of others, which has helped him tremendously. Through much self-work, he realized that “people may have more than you, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve the success you’ve achieved.”
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See Also: Gent’s Talk: Ep. 47 – Canadian Screen Awards Episode
Listen as 12AM points out that depression doesn’t go away magically. He talked about his commitment to focusing on his mental health and how that has manifested in his work. He prefers to process his raw emotions through music and believes that dealing with emotions properly is the manliest thing you can do.
About Gent’s Talk
Bulova Canada presents Episode 48 of Gent’s Talk, available for streaming on Youtube, Spotify, Goodpods, iHeartRadio, Apple and Google Podcasts! It is filmed at StartWell Studios in Toronto. You can now catch Season 1 on all Air Canada flights! Your continued support throughout this journey is appreciated. Thank you!
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